Why self-care is actually an act of self-love

 

 

The fast-paced world we have created has brainwashed us into believing that it is our duty and obligation to work hard and give of ourselves constantly, 24/7 if possible, to prove our value and usefulness. Some of us, myself included, all too often drive ourselves so hard that we find ourselves close to the brink of exhaustion, or even worse, a burnout. By no means am I implying that hard work is the devil, of course not. We should give our 110% to everything we do if we want our work to have some sort of meaningful impact, I live by this motto. But having found myself exhausted to the extent I felt all energy had left my body, more often than I care to admit here, I decided something had to change.

 I found that balance is key. Yes, give all of you, your passion, your energy when at work or a project but counter that with moments that are more centered around your well-being, your joy, your happiness. It's not selfish, it's self-love. Again, drawing from my own rather painful experience, if you do not love yourself enough, you're always going to find yourself at the mercy of the whims and demands of society, your parents, your boss, your spouse, you name it.Turn that around by making the conscious choice to counter that with fierce self-love. Prioritise yourself and give yourself all that which you're so generously giving to others. Gift your body and soul the things they require, so that,when you get back to work mode, you can function at the most optimal level possible. The world will be better for it.

There are numerous ways to practise self-care and self-love and they are as many as the people on this planet. Each of us is wonderfully unique, so there is no one-size-fits-all method. Each one of us has their own special needs that need to be met and satisfied in an equally unique manner. The practices I am outlining below are therefore not to be used as some sort of rule book.I myself have applied them to my life, some I kept, some not. Of course,I need to point put that  it also depends on the phase you currently find yourself in. Not everything will be appropriate for this particular phase in your life.So, if you feel yourself  drawn to one or more of those practices, feel free to try them out or apply them to your particular way of living, and let the others go. It's as simple as that.   

For the sake of functionality I've divided the self-love practices into four categories, physical well-being, emotional well-being, mental- well being and spiritual well-being. You'll find that in many cases they overlap, which is natural considering the miraculous complexity of the human being. Let's take a closer look.  

 

Physical well-being: Our bodies need a lot of love in order to be of service to us and our cause but also to make it that much easier for us to enjoy life to the fullest. A body that is drained does not do anyone any good, rather it will revolt against you and cause all manner of illness, stress, panic attacks, anything to get your attention to the fact that it was all just too much. Learn to listen to your body and give it the care that it needs in that particular moment.So, what can you do?

1.Proper nourishment."Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food".These all too well known words that are attributed to Hippocrates, emphasise the importance of consuming wholesome, natural and organic foods that nourish our bodies and provide the fuel for optimal body function. Avoid all junk foods, sugar, microwave, ready-made meals. Opt for home-made cooked food, vegetables, fruits, salads, juices and your body will thank you.

 

2.Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate. I can't stress this one enough. The majority of people go about their days in a near-dehydrated state, oblivious to the damage that is caused. I too, have to constantly remind myself to drink water when consumed by my daily obligations.That's why I always keep a glass of water somewhere where I see it.

The average quantity that is needed varies depending on size, body type, level of physical activity but scientists agree that the average amount of water ranges from 1,5 to 2 litres per day. So here's to your good health, drink up!

3. Optimise your sleep. It is mind-boggling how many people, so utterly overwhelmed with their daily obligations, function on less than six hours of sleep, when the agreed average by science is 8-9 hours. Add to that the factor of heightened stress, overwork and the daily worries we all carry and you have a dangerous recipe and playground for a host of illnesses and diseases that not only wreak havoc on your daily life but are also life-threatening. Choose today to optimise your sleep, make it a priority. You'll notice the difference right away.

4. Get your body moving. I have discussed the significance of daily exercise in my other posts, so I won't elaborate as much here. The human body was created to be active, not sedentary. Our modern sedentary, glued-to-your-screen lifestyle harbours nothing but negative consequences that I don't even want to dwell on. Even a short workout once a day is much more beneficial than that. So get up from the couch and get moving!

5. Breathwork or a conscious awareness of your own breath. I read somewhere that the average human does not receive the required amount of oxygen it needs because our breathing is too quick and too shallow, seeing as we are always in a frenzied state of always doing something. Breathwork is the process of deep, rhythmic breathing that gets to the parasympathetic nervous system and relaxes the body, gets it out of the fight-or -flight state. There are various methods and practices, which of course are not necessary for you to start if it's not your cup of tea.  Do,however, focus on breathing deeply, fill your belly with air and take your time exhaling it out. You'll notice the difference in your energy levels right away. I recommend it wholeheartedly as it always brings me peace and a huge smile to my face. 

 

 

6.Regular medical check-ups. Make it a priority to check your health once a year to ensure your body is in an optimal state of health. So many people neglect this, believing that the vague pain in their chest is nothing, it will pass they say, with deadly consequences all too often. Or they neglect yearly blood tests, mammograms etc. It is recommended that before the age of 50 visits to your doctor be once every three years. After the age of 50 it is advisable you see your doctor once a year.  You think it sounds so dull or you feel you have no time for it. It's best you made the time for it or you will lose it. Good health is not always a given, it has to be earned. Better be proactive than sorry.

 

Emotional well-being - Humans are social beings and have the gift of feeling a huge array of emotions. The importance of emotions cannot be stressed enough, as they are the driving force behind all human actions, whether for good or evil. Emotions function as motivations to action, they help us to identify and avoid dangerous situations, are essential in our decision making, allow us to understand others and be in turn understood by them. It is essential for our emotional well-being we apply practices and routines that will allow us to be human and feel but also to keep the balance by safeguarding our sanity. Let's have a look at how to achieve that.

 1.Let go of the past. This is a big one for me. I had been living trapped in the ugly stories I had been told during my childhood and adolesscence for decades. It took quite a long and rather painful journey inwards with meditation, yin yoga and journalling to start getting rid of the biggest part of it all. My point is that either through the process I described above or through any other resource of your own, make the choice to get rid of it all, all the false stories others or you yourself burdened your soul with. The past is in the past and you are doing yourself a disservice by holding on to it. Make new, encouraging and empowered stories that honour the new you and move ahead! 

 

 2. Enjoy a cup of tea or coffee. To me there are few things so comforting and relaxing at the end of a long day. Enjoyed with a good book and music or out on my blossoming balcony enjoying my own company, without needing to talk to anyone. Try the following :be mindful and relish in the moment. Engage all your senses. Smell the fragrance of the tea, savour its taste ,listen to your surroundings. Are there birds chirping? Are the crickets singing frantically? Or maybe there is blessed silence and you can surrender to it? Either ways such moments are gifts you give to yourself. Gift them to yourself as often as you can spare. 

3. Meet a friend. The importance of human interaction is paramount. We are social beings and we need each other not only for any type of gain but mainly for the sheer joy and need for human contact. A discussion with a friend allows us to get our worries off our chest, regardless of whether the problem gets solved or not. It's all about being heard, the knowledge you are not alone, that someone cares enough to spend time with you and listen, truly listen. Such a rare thing these days and a great deposition in your emotional bank. 

4. Laugh. Laughter is considered the greatest medicine, as it carries a host of benefits to our health and promotes a sense of general well-being. It lowers blood pressure, reduces stress hormone levels, triggers the release of endorphins, the body's natural painkillers.Moreover, it boosts your immune system, it does your heart a world of good and to top it all off, it is a great workout to finally get those killer abs. Watch a comedy, watch funny videos on Youtube or get together with friends and have a blast telling jokes!

 

Mental well-being. Mental overload is a reality a majority of us deal with and while the human brain is fully equipped to juggle tons of information, at some point you reach your limits and snap. You start messing things up, brain fog sets in, you forget stuff and it's like your brain is telling you to just take a break already or if you're more like me, on top of all the previous you have epic rage outbursts.To avoid all that, it is imperative you follow some techniques to battle your stress levels, like I described in one of my previous posts. Our mental well-being is of the utmost importance, so let's have a look at some other loving methods you could apply to safeguard it.

1.Establish firm boundaries.  I confess it took me forever, almost fifty years,  to establish boundaries and to finally prioritise my needs and my desires. I am almost ashamed to admit to this. But better late than never they say. So, here I am. Finally being able to be me and do things I want while at the same time respecting myself and putting myself first. If I can do it, anyone can, I have no doubt about that. Learn to say NO to other people's demands from your time more often. It's a full sentence after all, no further explanations required. If you don't want to sound as harsh, you can say" No,not now, maybe later." 

2.Mindfulness practices. I discussed mindfulness practices in a previous post, so I 'll be brief. Just as a reminder, meditation is beneficial to calm an overactive brain and give you some necessary peace of mind. Yin yoga to release trapped emotions from your body, journalling to vent all those thoughts on paper- think of a journal as a friend you talk to or a boxing bag, depending on your mood (It's usually the second for me...) Praying is also a way to get rid of whatever is weighing you down and soothe your soul.

 

 

3. Read a novel or any fiction book. Reading and learning are undoubtedly a must for mental growth. When it is time though to relax, a fiction book of any genre of your liking is a great way to decompress and get your mind off your own problems. My evenings are a favourite time in the day because of this. A cup of tea and a good book....heaven!

4. Get offline. At least two hours before bedtime, allow your brain not to have to hear any more notification sounds. Better still spare yourself from the temptation to check your Facebook or Instagram feed. Turn off your notifications or better still turn off your phone entirely to ensure some necessary downtime.   

Spiritual well-being.  This includes a series of practices that honour our sense of purpose and meaning in life, our morals and ethics.These could potentially include religious practices, engaging actively in community work or other practices that are not of a particular religion. In any sense, all of these practices satisfy and soothe that innermost part of ourselves that others call our soul or our consciousness as others would put it. As we have discussed most of these in previous posts, I'll keep it quick.Let's have a look.

1. Meditation. As discussed before , meditation has numerous amazing health benefits. It lowers stress levels, it increases focus and boosts mental health. It does wonders for your quality of sleep,especially if you're suffering from sleepless nights.To top it off, it increases empathy and kindness towards yourself and others. Pretty cool if you ask me.

2. Engage in gratitude practices. From keeping a gratitude journal daily or doing the Ho'Oponopono gratitude prayer, it's a great way to just be appreciative of your gifts, your blessings and the people in your life. There's nothing religious about this. It's being grateful as a human being, not being so arrogant and self-serving and taking everyting for granted. Head-to-heart coherence meditations are also effective in connecting with your heart and elevating your soul.

3.  Affirmations. A very effective tool to slowly but gradually transform the way you think about yourself,your potential, the people in your life and the world. I AM affirmations are not going to change you overnight but over time will give you a sense of worth you had never granted yourself before.  

4. Daily acts of kindness.  Little, seemingly insignificant acts of kindness towards peolpe in our close environment or bigger acts like getting involved in community work and activism are super helpful in elevating our mood and our sense of connectedness to our fellow humans and the planet. Such acts give immense joy, decrease any sense of loneliness and give meaning to our fast-paced lives. I work on daily acts of kindness every year at Christmas with my elder students and they bring such joy to the class that it usually extends to the remainder of the year too.

5. Attend a religious service. Feeling close to God, the universe, Divine Consciousness by any sort of practice or worship or even the  place you choose to come close to the Divine, is every human being's right and is to be respected. Choose the one that fills your soul with joy to lift your spirit and feel a sense of fulfilment.  

        

Well, that was a lot of information.In closing, I would like to make a request. Please, please be compassionate and loving to yourself. Your ego will surely put up a fight, reminding you that you've got things to do. Tell that little voice that it's ok, that you are in control. Grant yourself the time to take that bubble bath, the mani-pedi, the massage,  read that book with your favourite tea and feel no guilt. From today on, give yourself the compassion, love and grace you so generously give to others.You deserve it!    

 

   

 

  

   

The Power of Music

 

 The history of music is as old as humanity itself. Archaeologists have dug up primitive flutes made of bone and ivory dating back as far as 43.000 years ago. The earliest fragment of musical notation and melody is found on a 4,000-year-old Sumerian clay tablet, which includes instructions and tunings for a hymn honoring the ruler Lipit-Ishtar.The title of the oldest extant song,however, according to historians is the "Hurrian Hymn No 6", an ode to goddess Nikal, composed by the ancient Hurrians around the 14th century B.C. 

 Music is a moral law. It gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, a charm to sadness, and life to everything. It is the essence of order, and leads to all that is good, just and beautiful, of which it is the invisible, but nevertheless dazzling, passionate, and eternal form (Plato).

 (Wordsworth Dictionary of Musical Quotations, 1991, p. 45).

Plato phrased it so beautifully indeed. Music is spiritual in a sense, a cosmic force that touches the soul. It inspires when one feels drained of ideas. While soothing the soul from sadness, it also allows sadness to be expressed through it and by it.It is a power for good. It is the manifestation in the physical world of the spiritual realm in all its regality, power and beauty. Through it all human emotion can find expression and in this way,either bring about healing, soothe the hurt and broken, be an invitation to dance and rejoice, serve as inspiration or be a call to action.   

The people closest to me know full well that I can't live without music, not even for one day. I have always been this way and it's nearly impossible for me to change.Music is in my DNA. Whether with my headphones on or just blaring it out full volume, the music is ever-present. I'm even listening to music as I'm writing this! That's just me....

In the off-chance I don't listen to music, then I am seriously out of sorts or even worse, depressed. One of my earliest -dreamlike almost -memories, is of me demanding my dad put on music- I must have been about two years old, so I could sing along and dance (that's pretty much what I do nowadays, too!).I can listen to almost all sorts of music from heavy metal riffs and growls to baroque or spiritual music. I do have to exclude trap music, modern Greek music and death metal, they are just not for me.

 

No doubt you also listen to lots of music. I'm pretty sure you also have noticed for yourself or heard the scientints outline the numerous benefits of listening to music on a regular basis. So, without too much delay, let's see what they are:

 

• Music works out the brain.Science has shown that listening to music is an excellent workout for the brain, actually there are few things that stimulate the brain more than music does. As music is structural, mathematical and architectural and based on relationships between one note and the next, your brain has to do a lot of computing to make sense of it, even if you are not aware of it .

• Music improves your general health. It slows down aging but it also  reduces anxiety, blood pressure, and pain but also improves sleep quality, mood,  increases mental alertness, and enhances your memory.

• “I don’t sing because I’m happy; I’m happy because I sing.” – William James

  Music makes you happy. It has been proven that when you listen to music your brain releases dopamine, which is a "feel-good" neurotransmitter. So whenever you need a natural high, just crank up your favourite music, that's all it takes!

•  Music enhances your workouts. If you want to give your workouts a boost or scale them up a notch, listen to songs that inspire you or give you what I call "combat vibes" and go slay that dragon!

•  Music helps you sleep better.  10% of the world population suffer from insomnia that qualifies as a medical condition. people who suffer from insomnia would benefir immensely from listening to Bach or Mozart before turning in.

•  Music reduces the symptoms of depression. A staggering number of more than 350 million people suffer from depression around the world, quite an alarming and scary number.A study by Hans Joachim Trappe in Germany demonstrated that music can benefit patients with depressive symptoms, depending on the type of music. Meditative sounds and classical music lifted people up, but techno and heavy metal brought people down even more.Next time you're feeling down in the dumps, listen to classical or meditative music to lift your spirits.

•  Music strengthens learning and memory.There is a scientifically proven relationship between music, memory, and emotion. Since music evokes strong emotions and emotions boost memory processes, we can understand that music is involved in forming memories. This could apply to memories about certain pieces of music or information associated with specific music. Several studies have shown that verbal memory and focused attention can significantly improve by listening to favorite music every day, especially when compared to those who don’t regularly listen to music.Like Jodi Picoult said “Music is the language of memory.” 

•  Music increases verbal intelligence. A recent study showed that musically trained adult women and musically trained children outperformed those without music training on verbal memory tests.After only one month of music lessons (in rhythm, pitch, melody and voice), a study at York University showed that 90% of children between the ages of 4 and 6 had a significant increase in verbal intelligence. Researcher Sylvain Moreno suggests that the music training had a “transfer effect” which enhanced the children’s ability to understand words and explain their meaning. Sounds like a great replacement for the boring vocabulary lessons at school for sure!

 

 

•  Music raises IQ and increases academic performance.Research shows that taking music lessons predicts higher academic performance and IQ in young children. In one study, 6-year-olds who took keyboard or singing lessons in small groups for 36 weeks had significantly larger increases in IQ and standardized educational test results than children who took either drama lessons or no lessons. The singing group did the best. As I suggested above, maybe playing music during the lessons or encouraging our kids to take music lessons or learn to play an instrument is to their benefit!       

 

         I 'll close off with the  profound words of the late Michael Jackson 

  "To live is to be musical, starting with the blood dancing in your veins. Everything living has a rhythm. Do you feel your music?" – Michael Jackson 

 

 

 

  

 

 

  

11 stress management techniques and their benefits

 It's safe to say that modern life is extremely stressful. Each of us is daily juggling, not always successfully, with dozens of tasks.Just take a look at your to-do-list. Work, study, finances, household chores, family, technology, self-care, exercise.... the list goes on and on. No wonder most of us feel stressed out all the time.I myself am prone to get overly stressed, usually owing to the great number of obligations I am faced with on a daily basis, not unlike the majority of people on this planet.

I have come to realise, however, that it all comes down to choice and the decision not to allow stress to my life, wreaking all sorts of havoc.As with all things, how we respond greatly impacts not only our physical and mental well-being but also the quality of our life.Here's where stress management comes into play and thankfully, there are a great number of techniques we can apply to respond to our daily challenges with more grace and kindness to ourselves while also being able to perform our duties effectively.

Stress management techniques  

Taking into consideration  how unique each person is, it must be pointed out that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to stress management.It is nevertheless helpful to have a toolkit of sorts, with helpful tools to combat the stress attack the moment it sets in. Let's dive right in.

• Change your mindset - Stress kicks in the moment we start perceiving a task as extremely challenging, daunting and impossible to tackle. The best way to deal with this stressor is to let go of unrealistic expectations you have of yourself,of how things should be done or how well they should be done. Don't allow  negative thinking patterns, such as "shoulds" fear of criticism or thinking of the worst case scenario to influence you. Try to view the situation more objectively and positively and it will provide a clearer perspective on how to handle things.

•  Mindfulness Practices - One of the most efffective  mindfulness techniques is the practice of meditation, gratitude practice and journalling. All these release happy chemicals in our brain, restore our sense of presence in the now and a feeling of gratitude for all the many blessings in our lives, which we more often than not tend to overlook in the daily frenzy of our lives.

• Aromatherapy -A great variety of scents has been said to soothe stress. Essential oils and fragrances like amber, bergamot, orange, clary sage, geranium and lavender work wonders and provide peace of mind and tranquility, whether alone or in combination with meditation or breathwork.

•  Breathe- Breathing deeply into your belly instantly provides a sense of calmness and signals to the body that all is safe now, so they fight-or-flight response is no longer required. Even more effective is doing breathwork exercises daily to give our body some necessary restoration after a hectic day- or even between tasks. The linked video is a great way to get started with breathwork. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tybOi4hjZFQ&t=25s

 

 

•  Disconnect - Needless to say that technology takes up a lot of precious space both in our minds as well as in our daily lives. Undeniably, it is a double-edged sword. Its benefits cannot be refuted. We work more flexibly, stay in touch with the latest news and trends and get in touch with friends and family with a mere swipeon the screen or touch of a button, all from the comfort of our own home. The downside is that being constantly"on" and connected really takes its toll on your health and well-being, causing significant stress to the mind and body.If you can't take a technology detox for a prolonged period of time, make the choice to at least set limits to your screen time, turn off alerts and go offline at least 2 hours before bedtime, to give your brain some necessary rest.

•  Break a sweat-  Exercise releases positive stress-combatting endorphins,gives a significant boost to your self-confidence and lowers any symptoms associated with anxiety and depression. Whether it is an hour long sweaty session at the gym or a more moderate form of exercise like yoga or walking, make the choice to prioritise it in your daily routine.

• Up your lifestyle choices - Oftentimes poor lifestyle choices also contribute to heightened stress levels. Reduce the caffeine and alcohol and cut out the sugar from your diet. They contain stimulants that contribute to stress and depression. Opt for a whole foods diet to gift your body the vitamins, nutrients and minerals it needs to function at an optimal state. Don't stay up past your bedtime because it's the only moment of peace you have. (That's me alright!) Sleeps helps the body to repair and helps with emotion regulation among numerous other benefts.Without adequate sleep, we tend to feel the effects of stress much, much more. It is necesary therefore, to prioritise sleep if we want to reap the benefits of a more balanced life.

 

 

• Embrace the embrace - Hug your loved ones, your family, your friends,even if it is for just 10 seconds.That is sufficient to release those feel-good hormones like oxytocin and causing stress chemicals like cortisol to reduce significantly. Additional benefits are an enhanced immune system, heightened tolerance to pain, optimal heart function  and better quality of sleep.Sounds good right? 

          “Laughter with those that understand us is music for the soul.
         A hug at the right moment and a kind shoulder to lean on,
         Is the sprinkle of magic that keeps us walking towards hope.”
         ― Mimi Novic 

• Time blockingand coping skills - Learn to manage your time. Do not overload your schedule and always make sure to take frequent breaks to avoid exhaustion. Set boundaries to those who would take advantage of your good will and learn to recognise your limits.Likewise learn to set boundaries to yourself whenever you go into Superhero mode and try to do everything all at once.Establish a daily routine to reduce you daily stresses. A daily planner is an amazing tool to stay on top of things.It has most certainly helped me!
  

•  Go into nature - It is great medicine for your mental health, as it hepls you destress, significantly relaxes you and improves your mood.On top of that, it works wonders for your physical health, too, as feeling connected to nature helps your activity levels, thus aiding your health on all levels.

• Socialise -  A strong social network and having good friends is a great way to get rid of or at least reduce stress levels. Our friends can help us find solutions to problems or at least manage them. They help us keep things in their proper perspective and keep us grounded.Friendly chats or just having silly fun also helps release the oxytocin that feels good to the brain and keeps us stress-free.
  

 So, there you have it. A quite comprehensive list of tools at your disposal when you find that stress has once again taken ahold of you. It has certainly helped me, though I am by no means innocent of slip- ups. Marcus Aurelius, infinitely wiser than me, said it so much better than I ever could:

 

 “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

Fixed Mindset VS Growth Mindset - How to know what yours is

 

 

 

 

Once  upon a time, we were told that our brains stop developing when we reach adulthood, and that as we grew older our brain's power and memory capacity would slowly,but surely diminish.Do we even have to wonder then why so many people get stuck eventually in a mindset that condemns them to believe that their intelligence is fixed and static, that,once  they've reached a certain age, they cannot evolve their skills, talents or knowledge any further?

 New scientific evidence, however, comes to show that quite the opposite is true. The brain is a super computer with the wondrous, innate ability of neuroplasticity and retention capacity that can be cultivated well into our more mature years.It is constantly evolving and changing and yes, our 'software' can be updated through constant learning.  Psychologist Carol Dweck, was the first scientist to investigate, and coin, the notion of a fixed and a growth mindset.

Let's have a look at what each of these two mindsets stands for.

FIXED MINDSET    

• Those with a fixed mindset are more likely to buy into the notion that intelligence and talent are static. 
• They are convinced effort is futile. 
  
• They avoid challenges to not risk being seen a complete failure.
• They make conscious efforts to avoid feedback from others, as they more often than not view it as personal criticism.
• They tend to feel threatened by the success of others and regard it with bitterness, jealousy and cynicism.
• They are very adept at hiding their flaws so as to avoid being judged or criticised.
• Since they have a deep-rooted belief that putting in any effort whatsoever is futile, they tend to give up to easily or never actually take that first step towards change. 

 

GROWTH MINDSET

• A person with a growth mindset firmly believes that intelligence and talent can be developed through effort and lifelong learning.
•  People dedicated to their growth consider any effort toward their goals as the path to mastery.
• They embrace challenges, oftentimes even willingly pursue them to accelerate and enhance their growth and learning.
• It is their deep-seated belief that mistakes and failure are part of their path as a learning tool, so they welcome criticism and feedback as another means of getting further ahead in their growth process rather than take it personally. That means that they are also more open, more vulnerable and consequently more themselves, rather than wearing a mask of perfection, thus hiding their true essence. 
  
•  People focused on their growth consider other people's successes as a source of inspiration and learning. It is therefore common for them to voraciously study biographies and autobiographies, studying the lives of the great ones, becoming inspired, learning, applying those nuggets of wisdom into their own lives and eventually evolving into new, greater versions of themeselves.     

 

 

 So, are there any ways of turning around a fixed mindset mentality?

 From my experience as a teacher of young ones, and my own personal experience, I can say that it most certainly is! I cannot stress enough how disastrous it is for the children to harbour a fixed mindset. They feel insecure and scared, unwilling to even venture someting different or take a risk at something new, determined that they simply can't. A word I all too often hear and it just makes me sad but also determined to get it out of their system. Is it easy? More often than not, it isn't. But oh, the satisfaction when my efforts are successful... pure bliss and a feeling I've done something good. Doesn't get any better than that!

Some small, yet effective tips are:

• Understand and accept that you CAN improve, as our brains are built to constantly grow and learn. Don't think of yourself as a failure when you struggle with something new, rather see yourself as someone who is learning and improving.

• Most of us have that very negative inner voice that keeps telling us nasty things and keeps preventing us from getting to that growth mindset.Next time it starts pestering you with snide comments, make a conscious effort of ignoring it and switch from the mentality of I can't to thinking that Yes, I can! Admittedly, it takes considerable effort but keep trying, practice makes perfect. The difference it will make is spectacular.

•  Remember to reward the great results you've achieved but also the effort you've exerted.Scientific research has shown that this actually leads to enhanced performance.

• Accept that failure, setbacks and any initial confusion are part of the game. View failures as a learning tool and why not, even as a game of sorts. It will make it that much easier to actually have some fun along the way.

• However counterintuitive as it may sound, get out of your comfort zone and opt for the more difficult option/exercise/task. A guaranteed way to grow.

• I'm no big fan of criticism myself but as I've been growing through the decades I've come to realise and accept that it's not personal but a learning process.So, I've been actively seeking out feedback, whether positive or negative. That's exactly what I've encouraged my students to do,too. I've witnessed that with progressive feedback about what they did well and where there's room for improvement they actually felt more motivated to keep going and enhanced their growth.

 

Like anything else in life, there is also an art to developing a growth mindset. It doesn't just happen overnight, so give yourself time and some grace. If you've set out on the path of growth, don't be dismayed if you don't see immediate results.Be kind to yourself and focus on consistency, taking small, positive steps daily in your chosen direction. Trust that the results will come, for they most certainly will.

 

 “Fine tuning children's thoughts is one way to empower them to work on their mind, feel and behave better”
― Asuni LadyZeal  

 

 

  

 

8 morning routines you can apply for a successful day

 

What is the first thing you do every day when you wake up? Pressing the snooze button repeatedly, wishing you could just slip back into dreamland? Or do you wake up late repeatedly, putting on whatever clothes you find and rushing out of the  house in a panicked frenzy? Of course you have heard there is an alternative way, that of sticking to a morning routine and thus incrementally increasing your efficiency and peace of mind.You may have said to yourself that you would start next Monday, next week, but procrastination and laziness just kept you repeating the same pattern over and over again, leaving you with feelings of frustration and self-loathing.

I myself am guilty of all the above. My mornings were stressful and I was always late and in a state of panic.I knew it wasn't supposed to be like this but then I had no system in place nor did I know of ways to organise my time. At some point  5 years ago I decided that enough was enough. I took to the Internet and started my research on time management. I was astounded by the plethora of methods and the number of successful people who swore by their morning routines, which ensured  that they left their home in the right mood and state of mind and  their daily obligations were programmed and ran smoothly and efficiently. From Barack Obama, to Oprah Winfrey, Anna Wintour, the editor-in-chief of Vogue,Arianna Huffington of Thrive Global, Jeff Bezos and so many more all had their own morning routine in place to ensure that their day was a success.I decided to give it a go. I went through quite a lot of suggestions but the one that stood out for me by far, due to its simplicity and straightforwardness, was Robin Sharma's 20/20/20 method, which is thoroughly analysed in his book the 5 a,m club. 

So impressed was I that I immediately put it to action. I even read the book, not once but 4 times.Over the past five years I have been an avid early riser and program my days meticulously, with a few twists of my own here and there, to suit my own needs and personality. Let's dive right in.

 

 

 

1. Prepare the night before. 

Before you go to bed, take the time to meticulously plan the next day, making a list of what needs to be done. It's also advisable to carve out some me-time and time with your family and friends. Life is not just about being efficient. We must always  make some time for ourselves and to be wth the ones we love, to acknowledge our feelings, the need to communicate, to love, to just have some silly fun.Tend to all our sides so that we can have a balanced lifestyle. Otherwise we run the risk of a burnout or fatigue. In addition, be sure to lay out your outfit for the next day, so as not to run around like a crazy person, trying to figure out what to wear or going out in a totally dishevelled state.Presentation matters!

2 .Get up before the sun rises.

An obvious benefit to rising early is that there will be less distractions or interruptions, since the majority of people don't like waking up so early.No messages, no incoming emails.No one needs anything from you. So, it's pure me-time, that you can devote to yourself and your self care and development.I hear you, getting up early is hard. It's not for everyone, though everyone can do it, with some determination and discipline. For me it was excruciatingly difficult. I failed and failed......and failed.But eventually I managed to rise at 5 a.m., sometimes without even needing the alarm clock.If I can do it, so can you!

You can try the following steps to get there.

 

• For God's sake do not try to wake up at 5 a.m. when you are used to waking up at 8 a.m. Try to wake up at 7.30 as a start. Once you are comfortable with that, proceed to waking up at 7 a.m. and keep going till you get to your goal. Baby steps. 
• It is of the essence that you get enough sleep, 6-8 hours. So, according to how much sleep you require, adapt your sleeping schedule and go to bed as early as possible.
  
•  Robin Sharma advises to avoid using any digital device before going to sleep and preferably using an old fashioned alarm clock, which is placed far away from your bed (so no pressing that snooze button!)
• Turn on the lights immediately to ensure you will not fall back asleep.

3.Get your H2O in. 

Hydration is critical, especially after a good night's sleep, during which your body could get dehydrated..There are so many health benefits to drinking adequate water.Your body temperature is regulated, waste and toxins which accumulated during the night are washed away.Moreover,water is helpful in reducing caloric intake during the day,  it boosts metabolism and rejuvenates your skin. Need I say more?

My personal twist on this, is that every morning, after getting up I consume a big glass of warm water (but not too warm!) with a slice of lemon and some ginger. Thus, my body still gets hydrated but with an added healthy dose of vitamin C, with all the benefits I mentioned above.

4. Get moving and sweat 

 The first part of Robin Sharma's 20/20/20 method is intense, sweaty exercise. Incorporating exercise first thing in the morning leads to the secretion of beneficial neurotransmitters that increase mental clarity and focus.  Another plus is that you feel rejuvenated, more energetic and with a much more positive outlook on life.Need I mention it also helps with losing that unwanted weight?

 

5. Meditate and practice gratitude.

The second part of the method is dedicated to going within.Spending time in silence with yourself or finding a guided meditaion on YouTube is a great start.Like I said in the previous blog, you can start small, 5 minutes in the beginning and build up from there. You can then proceed to journalling, reflecting on what you want your day to be like and express your gratitude for at least 5 things in your life. I was a total stranger to this procedure but once I started, I don't let a day go by without it. It helps me feel more clarity and peace of mind but also get a perspective on my day. After this, my mindset is on point to get the day started in the most positive, productive way.

6. Read.

The final part of the 20/2020 method is learning. So instead of mindlessly scrolling through your Instagram feed or checking your emai, ditch your device and open a book, preferably an article, a biography or a self development book, from which you can learn something new or be inspired by a new idea. Alternatively, you can listen to a podcast. Reading though, is found to significantly boost cognitive activity in the brain, thus preparing yourself for any potential challenges the day may present you with.

 

7. Have a real breakfast 

By breakfast I do not talk of just coffee or croissants. Any meal you can prepare that includes oatmeal, almond butter/milk, coconut, chia seeds, flax seeds, eggs, greek yoghurt, berries, avocado is a great way to give yourself a boost and get ready for a fantastic day. I am aware a lot of you do not have the time for a full breakfast. In that case a smoothie is a fantastic option. Anyhow, whatever type you choose, having breakfast is a great way to start your day.

 

8. Stick to your ritual. 

Try to stick to your rituals as consistently as you can. No routine can actually benefit you if you do not make the commitment to adhere to it long enough. Experts say that it takes 66 days for a new habit to become automated. So, be consistent and reap the benefits. You will not recognise yourself by the end of those 66 days and even more so in the course of 6 months or even a year. Your change will be spectacular.

 

On a final note, I 'd like to say that the routines I discussed in this blog are by no means etched in stone. I myself tweaked quite a few routines proposed by Robin Sharma and other prominent personalities so they would fit my personality and my reality. So, feel free to do your research and adopt whatever suits you best. Once you get started though, you'll find that the choices you make will be helpful for your health and well being. A balanced morning routine will help you plan, prioritise and make decisions more wisely. Finally, your mornings will be less stressful as you'll already know what needs to be done. So no running around like crazy nor making last minute decisions that end up in disaster.

 

I hope that the routines outlined here will be of some help to you. If you have more routines  of your own that you believe are helpful, I'd love to hear from you! 

 

   

 

7 Effective Moves for a Richer Life

 It is an undeniable fact that we live in trying times. Even though it is summertime, and all one can dream of is lazying around on the beach without a care in the world, we are bombarded with news of the COVID pandemic once again rearing its ugly head,aided by the monkey pox. Then there is the energy and food crisis, sad by-products of the horrendous war in Ukraine. The planet reminds us that we have grossly misused its resources with freak weather conditions. All the above not only wreak havoc with our food and the energy required to go about our daily lives but even worse, they claim human lives. How can we continue to separate ourselves from this reality and keep our sanity intact?

 

One of my favourite mentors, Lisa Nichols said it so well: "Everything changes, every second." In an everchanging world, how could we possibly expect anything less? The one permanent thing in this life, is change. So, even to one so resistant to change as myself, embracing this inescapable reality is a necessity if we are to keep going forward. On a more positive note, we should bear in mind that not all change is necessarily bad. Even the worst condition carries within it the seed of good.Everything in this life is permeated by the yin yang principle.

There are more inconvenient truths I'd like to share before proceeding to the moves I suggest for a more experience abundant life. After all, difficulty is embedded in ease, the bad in the good. Here it goes:

• Before almost every success, some kind of failure has preceded it. I very vividly remember spectacularly failing the exam in one of my postgraduate courses and then managed to save myself by making a star presentation - and what a relief that was!
• One of the most painful lessons I had to learn was that it's not other people's job to love you, it's yours and yours alone. It is painful to realise how much I hurt myself and other people before I could get to this gem of knowledge, truly embrace it and live it out. That's not to say, of course I don't want people to love me, I just don't require it to feel happy and fulfilled.I am enough to see this task through.
• My next point involves energy. The energy we radiate out to other people, the world, the universe itself. What you think you become. Do you believe you are unworthy of love and abundance? The world will project this energy back to you with lack of friends, partners or money.In our own lives, surely, we all have experienced that when we feel depressed and expect the worst, even worse circumstances are hurled back at us. Conversely, when we vibrate with positivity and love, we feel surrounded by similarly positive energies and conditions.
• Another painful truth, one many of us have experienced, is that you don't have to wait for an apology to forgive. There is no shortage of people that will hurt you in the course of your life. You will also hurt others, willingly or not. What matters is to rise above the resentment and the pain, like a phoenix rising up from its own ashes. One not so obvious choice is to forgive, without waiting for the other person to apologise to you. Is it easy? Of course it's not. It's one of the hardest things one is called upon to do. It takes maturity, wisdom and a big heart. It's excruciating. But unbelievably satisfying and fulfilling. In all of my life I've been able to do it only once. It took me ten years to forgive that particular person, who by the way never apologised. When I got to that point of forgiveness,I felt emotionally drained but it was also like a weight lifting off my shoulders.
• I'm guilty also of the next point. It's a harsh truth indeed, Thinking without doing is a waste of precious time of energy. It's delusional and immature. No results come from daydreaming and wishing. Results come from persistent action and hard work.So if you have a dream, don't wish it comes true, work for it!
  
• The next truth is one we conveniently avoid. Death after all is uncomfortable. We don't want to be reminded that the average person's life, no matter how long one may live, is still relatively short. So. it is self-delusional to live out our days as if we'll never die. The best strategy here is to keep this truth in mind while we go about our lives in the most productive, loving way, intent on leaving behind something which is worth remembering for future generations or serving people while we are still walking the earth.

You might wonder at this point, which the effective moves to a life more abundant with positive experiences are. Though the previous points I made undeniably lead to a high level of existence if adhered to to the best of one's ability, I still have a couple more truths I'd like to share with  you. And while you might not agree with all of them, my hope is that you'll find something that will help you and push you forward as a human being.  

Let's dive right in then.

•  John Muir or "John of the mountains", was a highly influential author, naturalist, environmental philosopher and an early advocate for the preservation of the wilderness in the USA. He is known among others to have said "Going to the mounains is like going home." So, go to nature daily. Even if there is no forest in the vicinity, go to nearest park or have some plants on your balcony or in your home. Spending time in nature does wonders for one's health and well being. Among numerous benefits, it increases endorphin levels and dopamine production, thus promoting happiness. It reduces symptoms of anxiety and depression,it lowers blood pressure and reduces cortisol levels.Not too bad right? 

        

                                                 John Muir, 1902

•  Read for 60 minutes every single day.Even 30 minutes of reading per day have been proven to significantly increase and strengthen brain activity,aid vocabulary expansion and one's writing skills. It improves concentration and memory and enhances creativity and imagination, not to mention adding vast amounts of knowledge to one's arsenal. Warren Buffet, the world famous billionaire,advises us to go to bed smarter than when we wake up.He himself is a prodigious reader who reads 500 pages per day. Imagine doing that for six months consecutively, how much would you have progressed as a person? 
• Start practising meditation daily, even if it is only for 5 minutes in the beginning. The basic idea behind this practise is to connect the body and mind, so as to help increase both physical and mental peace and calm and also to live more mindfully in the present moment. Other benefits include having a better grip on stressful situations, it is good for your heart and it helps you to become kinder.Many people have reported that they actually look younger after having practised meditation for a while. If it sounds like it's worth it, why not have a go at it?
•  Leave people better than you found them, as Marvin J. Ashton famously said. I believe this one is self evident and doesn't take too much elaboration. Be sure to add value to their lives instead of taking from them. Hug the hurt. Kiss the broken. Befriend the lost. Love the lonely. Give of yourself and never fear your loving energy will run out. It is eternal and never ending. The more love you give, the more is returned to you. So give freely. 
• Be the politest person you know.Indeed, in a time when politeness is considered to be outdated, an act of subservience, it would be quite act of rebellion almost to possess the dignity and subtle art of choosing among one's thoughts and choosing consciously to behave politely, even when faced with rudeness. When considering that politeness actually is extremely helpful in forming friendships and acquaintances as well as acquiring or maintaining your good name, it certainly will not harm you to become more polite.
• Finally, the fun part.Building music lists. Being a hugely enhusiastic music lover - I sincerely believe not a day has gone by that I haven't listened to music- I have lost count of how many music playlists I have. I don't make too many discriminations when it comes to music. To me, a day without music is a wasted one. Like Plato said:

  Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything.

  You can't argue with one of the most famous philosophers of all time, can you? Besides, music is fun. It makes you feel happy when you are sad and helps you vent your feelings when you are angry or sad. So, go ahead, make those playlists and dive in the endless sea of notes and feelings! 
  

  I do hope  you will find the tips I offered you of some use. I know they certainly have done me a great service in improving my personality and my life in general.

  Do drop me a line if you would like to add a hack that I forgot or that helped you to better yourself.