Word of the day: Dream

 

Somewhere I've read that  most of the elements of our bodies were formed in the stars over the course of billions of years and multiple star lifetimes.It is even possible that some of our hydrogen and lithium, which our body contains in trace amounts, originated from the Big Bang.It would be safe to assume that we are made of stardust, part of the universe itself. Dare I take it a step further and claim, based on the previous statement, that the dreams we have and make for our lives are a way for the universe to manifest itself on this plane? Too philosophical for you? Maybe.Still, us humans are capable of way more than we give ourselves credit for and dreams are the vehicle through which our civilisations have emerged.

Take all the amazing accomplishments since man appeared on the face of the Earth. It started with the discovery and harnessing of fire, the birth of language, the development of tools and metallurgy. Then came the transition from hunter/gatherer to agricultural communities 15.000 to 20.000 years ago.Then came the first evidence of counting 50.000 years ago and the subsequent discovery of Mathematics. Man became aware of the sun, moon and planets and used them as the basis for clocks, calendars and navigation. The scientific revolution that was kickstarted by Copernicus with his his assertion of the sun-based cosmos. The 17th and 18th century saw the emergence of the steam engine and the Industrial Revolution, which led seamlessly to the digital revolution that started in the mid 80s of the previous century. 

It is vital to mention the7 wonders of ancient architecture like the Great Pyramid of Giza, the Lighthouse of Alexandria, the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, the Temple of Artemis at Ephesus, the Statue of Zeus at Olympia, the Mausoleum at Halicarnassus, the Colossus of Rhodes. Think also of the Parthenon, the Taj Mahal. Even today's modern architecture can boast of many jewels, like the Palm Islands in Dubai or Incheon's airport in South Korea.Of course all the facets of human art and creativity are mindblowing and varied. Music, theatre, acting and film making, painting, sculpting, all the arts have much beauty and the greatness of the human spirit to show over the centuries.

What I'm getting at with this extensive list is that what is now tangible and visible, once was but a thought, a dream in someone's mind. It came alive only through conscious action and work, passion and tenacity.At the core is always the dream, the desire to produce something beyond oneself, to create beauty.No person alive on this planet today is exempt from this. From the moment we become self-aware we dream,we desire to create and upgrade ourselves and the world we inhabit.

 

 I would like to invite you to do a journalling exercise with me.

Today, take your journal and visualise. Who do you want to be in 5 years' time? What kind of life do you want to have?Write a letter to your future self 5 years from now. As you are writing, set aside all the limitations you have placed upon yourself. You may think you are not deserving of certain things or you believe it is too far fetched for you to have certain aspirations and desires. Release those limits and allow yourself to write in a state of flow, without overthinking. Believe everything is possilble.Connect to your heart. What is most important to you? Allow anything that needs to come through to manifest itself.When you've finished, you can either save it and read it again sometime in the future. Some people burn these letters,thus setting this dream free into the universe. You do whatever feels right for you. I still have some entries like these in my journal and it's interesting to recognise patterns emerging or just recognising how far I've come in my life.It is a beautiful practice, not to mention liberating, in more ways than one.

I hope you will take me up on my invitation and allow yourself to dream today. Just let yourself free. You never know what might come through for you!

 

 

 

 

 

As always, sending you endless ripples of positivity and love,

Lia        

Why it is important to be proactive

 Recent unpleasant events in my life have highlighted the importance of being proactive. A failure on my part to plan better ahead led me to agonising moments of waiting for my placement. A failure to tend to her health ahead of time led a person dear to me to the surgery room for the fifth time. So many of us default to reacting to adverse present situations, laying the blame on our bad luck,our past, a relative, lack of time, money or education. In hindsight, it always becomes abundantly clear that it was our failure to plan ahead of time that has led us to that moment of adversity.

 

Viktor Frankl famously said that between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose. As human beings we are responsible for our own lives. Our behaviour and in consequence our entire life is based on our decisions and not the conditions in which we live.We can subdue our feelings to our values and principles, therefore we can take initiative and the responsibility to make things happen the way we want to. In contrast, when we allow our feelings, our upbringing, other people and external conditions to dictate our behaviour and our present, it means that we essentially live in the past,we choose to empower them to control us.In this way, we become reactive rather than proactive. 

 

 

 “𝐼 𝒶𝓂 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝒶 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝒹𝓊𝒸𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝓎 𝒸𝒾𝓇𝒸𝓊𝓂𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒𝓈. 𝐼 𝒶𝓂 𝒶 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝒹𝓊𝒸𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝓎 𝒹𝑒𝒸𝒾𝓈𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈.”

It is of the utmost importance that we maintain control of our life by being responsible, using our resourcefulness and initiative to find solutions, seize opportunities or make things happen in a way that is in our best interest.Moreover, a change in the way we use language is necessary. Reactive language can- and more often than not-will become a self-fulfilling prophecy, making us feel victimised by our life's circumstances and not in control of our destiny.Here are a few examples, according to Stephen Covey:

There's nothing I can do --> Let's look at my alternatives

That's just the way I am--> I can choose a different approach

He makes me so mad --> I control my own feelings

They won't allow that --> I can create an effective  presentation

I have to do that--> I will choose an appropriate response

I can't --> I choose

I must --> I prefer

If only --> I will  

 

Some simple ways  to be more proactive are

*Get crystal clear on what you want in life and set goals - whether it's a three month, a yearly or three-year goal- and work hard at achieving them. Take responsibility for how your life turns out.

*Take control of your daily habits and actions. For example, your future health is reliant on your self-care routines- daily workouts, a healthy nutrition, regular visits to your doctor, setting time aside for relaxation, fun and creativity - all these contribute to being a healthier version of you when you get older. Same goes for your performance at school or at work. Organise your study or  work schedule well in advance, then work consistently at it until your goal is met. If your financial situation is less than ideal, create a plan to earn more, start saving or start spending more frugally.  

*If there is an event coming up that you're feeling anxious about, try to anticipate the possible problems/outcomes and create solutions ahead of time. For example, if you have a speaking engagement or presentation, and like me, you're really nervous about speaking in public, make sure your presentation is well-written,practise for it thoroughly and visualise that your presentation is a massive success, thus setting up your brain for the most optimal function when the time comes.

𝓑𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓹𝓻𝓸𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝓲𝓼 𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓷 𝓽𝓪𝓴𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓲𝓷𝓲𝓽𝓲𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓿𝓮. 𝓘𝓽 𝓲𝓼 𝓻𝓮𝓬𝓸𝓰𝓷𝓲𝓼𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝔀𝓮 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓹𝓸𝓷𝓼𝓲𝓫𝓵𝓮 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓸𝔀𝓷 𝓬𝓱𝓸𝓲𝓬𝓮𝓼 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓸𝓶 𝓽𝓸 𝓬𝓱𝓸𝓸𝓼𝓮 𝓫𝓪𝓼𝓮𝓭 𝓸𝓷 𝓹𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓬𝓲𝓹𝓵𝓮𝓼 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓿𝓪𝓵𝓾𝓮𝓼 𝓻𝓪𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓷 𝓸𝓷 𝓶𝓸𝓸𝓭𝓼 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓭𝓲𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷. 𝓟𝓻𝓸𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝓹𝓮𝓸𝓹𝓵𝓮 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓪𝓰𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓼 𝓸𝓯 𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓬𝓱𝓸𝓸𝓼𝓮 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓫𝓮 𝓿𝓲𝓬𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓼, 𝓽𝓸 𝓫𝓮 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓲𝓿𝓮, 𝓸𝓻 𝓽𝓸 𝓫𝓵𝓪𝓶𝓮 𝓸𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓼.
-𝓢𝓽𝓮𝓹𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝓒𝓸𝓿𝓮𝔂

The book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey is a treasure trove of wisdom and efficiency advice. I highly encourage you to read it, it is well worth your time and it will change your life for the better if you heed the advice it so generously conveys.It is available in all stores.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Even the longest life is short, so make it a life well-lived, the way you want it to be. Get into a proactive state of mind and start designing it today. Everything in your life is in your control, so take responsibility and initiative for it. Be an agent, not a victim. Be the driver of your life, not a passenger. Start designing your life now!

As always, sending you endless ripples of positivity and love,

Lia 💓

The Art of Choosing to diversify our daily lives

WORD OF THE DAY:CHOOSE

 

 

It is well-known to all of us that free will or choice is a conscious act of determining our course of action-or inaction at any given moment of our lives.Our choices shape how we experience our lives and bring us to where we are in the present moment. Every one of us is in their present circumstances is the product of the total sum of their past choices.So, whether we believe it or not, we are in control of a large portion of our lives, no matter how much we like to complain and play victim.

 Painting:Choices by AnthonyStollings

 

We are  creatures of comfort and habit. Once we settle too firmly in our comfort zone, it may be too exhausting to venture out of it.Why do something different/difficult/uncomfortable when I can just be comfy and safe? I'll dare you today to challenge yourself. For a mind to remain flexible and functioning at higher, more optimal levels it needs to experience the new, the different, the unfamiliar. Not only will it open new pathways to your life experience, it will also enhance your cognitive flexibility, which is a great advantage when life trows a curveball at you.

I have listed some examples below.By no means is it an exhaustive list but rather a guide to get you started.

*If you enjoy yoga as much as me, you might be tempted to stick to it for life. If you choose to try something different,why not try belly dancing, weight lifting or even Quigong? If these sound too otherworldly for you, why not opt for a long walk in nature?

*Instead of binging on Netflix shows, try playing board games with the family, going out together or just read a book. All are great ways to get you out of that passive ingestion of televised stupor. Don't get me wrong,it is fine to do so in rational doses. It's time to do something else,however, when you seek them out like a drug addict. Definitely a red flag. Same goes of course for the constant scrolling on your phone. Ditch the thing and go do something more creative.

*Colour, sketch, draw, take photographs, write in your journal or why not, start writing that book that's been nagging at you for ages now. Anything to get the creative juices flowing, which in turn does wonders for your cognitive and mental state and makes you feel rejuvenated and more optimistic.

*Instead of cooking the same recipes over and over again, get bold and daring. Try your hand at a different recipe. It could be a more difficult one or it could be a recipe from the cuisine from another country. Whichever you choose to do, you will definitely get an increased sense of satisfaction from producing a different dish for yourself and your family. Variety is key.

 * Go out to watch an art exhibition, a theatrical play or just an amazing concert. We have forgotten art and how to appreciate it, favouring technology over all else. Educate your mind, nourish your soul and let the chills of fine artistry overwhelm your heart. Technology is extremely useful but it cannot replace everything.We tend to forget this in the daily hustle and bustle, unfortunately.

*Learn something new. A new language, pottery, gardening, cooking or maybe you've always wanted to be a master coder, computer programmer or a content writer. Take lessons in photography or painting and stun the world with your art. Awaken the artist within!  

Remember, you are the captain of your ship and master of your fate. Make choices that are benefitting you. Get out of the rut, be courageous and bold, follow the path less travelled. You'll never know what's in store for you if you do.You already know what's in store for you if you don't, so you've got nothing to lose but everything to gain.

Well, that's all for today.Which of the suggestions above struck that special chord in your soul? Let me know!

As always, sending you endless ripples of positivity and love,

Lia   

 

The thorny road towards self-acceptance

 

 

 

“𝓘𝓯 𝔀𝓮 𝓶𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝓼𝓮𝓵𝓯-𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝓸𝓻 𝓫𝓸𝓭𝔂 𝓪𝓬𝓬𝓮𝓹𝓽𝓪𝓷𝓬𝓮 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓭𝓲𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓪𝓵, 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓽𝓻𝓾𝓽𝓱 𝓲𝓼, 𝔀𝓮 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓷𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓫𝓮 𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓹𝔂 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓸𝓾𝓻𝓼𝓮𝓵𝓿𝓮𝓼. 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓽𝔂 𝓲𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓫𝓸𝓭𝓲𝓮𝓼 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓵𝔂 𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓰, 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝔂 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓷𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓻𝓮𝓶𝓪𝓲𝓷 𝓮𝔁𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓵𝔂 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓪𝓶𝓮. 𝓘𝓯 𝔀𝓮 𝓫𝓪𝓼𝓮 𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓼𝓮𝓵𝓯-𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓽𝓱 𝓸𝓷 𝓼𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓪𝓼 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻-𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓪𝓼 𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓫𝓸𝓭𝓲𝓮𝓼, 𝔀𝓮 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓫𝓮 𝓸𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓮𝓶𝓸𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓪𝓵 𝓻𝓸𝓵𝓵𝓮𝓻 𝓬𝓸𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓸𝓯 𝓫𝓸𝓭𝔂 𝓸𝓫𝓼𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓲𝓸𝓷 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓼𝓱𝓪𝓶𝓮.” — 𝓒𝓱𝓻𝓲𝓼𝓼𝔂 𝓚𝓲𝓷𝓰

 

 

I cannot bring to mind a moment where I fully accepted myself. I was always full of loathing and disapproval of my body and my face. Sure, there were and are people in my life that told me that I am beautiful and that I look just fine. But my inner critic was always there in the background, snapping all those negative words at me that held me hostage in a distorted self-image and made me prey to a never-ending quest for external acceptance,with horrible consequences to myself and others. For nearly fifty years I allowed it to control the field and consequently my decisions and my entire life.

It's been a short while this has changed. I still do not look upon myself with absolute and unconditional self-acceptance.With a new-found sense of self-respect and confidence I have,however, started to look at myself with a sense of understanding and compassion, observing myself as if I am on the outside. I notice what needs to be worked on and what is acceptable as is. This is my new relationship to myself. Menopause was very helpful in this, by adding kilos to my body that are just too stubborn to removed without a fight. It's not easy, it's a bittersweet feeling. But there is a wisdom to it. How ironic, that I should reach my fifties to garner some acceptance for who I am, both inside and on the exterior.

Some people are more self-accepting than others. It is known of course, that our reserves of self-love and self-acceptance -or lack of it- are built mostly by our parents or caregivers, thus shaping to a great extent what kind of adults we are likely to become. I see no need to elaborate more nor do I think it necessary to start listing reasons as to why a person ends up with low self-acceptance or starting a blame game or pity party. I have come to look down on victim mentality, having played the victim for decades myself.Too long if you ask me, but no more.

 

I would prefer to find the silver lining and seek solutions. Examine how your levels of self-acceptance could gradually be increased, because there is no magical elixir to make you go from an absolute self-loathing victim to a being of supreme self-acceptance. Let's have a look at some of the techniques that worked for me.

 

 

1. Gratitude. I have spoken about the significance of gratitude in numerous of my posts. Make a choice to write down daily in your journal three to five things you are grateful for about yourself. Be as detailed as possible. This will greatly help you with focusing on the positive traits of your body and personality instead of the negative. Look not only for the things that are positive. Be even more grateful for your perceived flaws or the parts of you that you believe to be ugly as well.It is a tremendous shift in your thinking, and a profound life lesson. I can speak from my own experience.

2. Form a support system. Think of the people that are in your circle of friends and acquaintances, those you spend most of your time with.Then determine whether these people contribute negatively to your way of thinking or positively. Decide whether it would be possible to spend less time with them or remove them from your vicinity altogether. I do realise that it is not always possible with a negative family member, do try though, to not allow these people unrestricted access to you. Choose instead to have positive-minded people around you, those that are beneficial to your mindset,well-being and growth.    

 

3.Meditation.  A frequent meditation practice is particularly helpful in removing those pesky, spiteful comments from your inner critic, thus improving your mood and helping you view yourself in a more positive light. Additionally, the increased sense of inner peace and well-being helps in decreased self-criticism and a much-improved self-image.

   4. Challenge your negative beliefs. A great method to do this is to take a piece of paper and divide it into two columns. On one side write down all negative beliefs you have about yourself or things you perceive to have done wrong. Once you're finished with that, go over your list and challenge each belief by asking yourself "Is this true?" In the second column replace each belief/statement with a more positive one. It's a very effective method and will not only allow you to examine your self-image and personality from a more objective scope but it will grant you some grace and self-compassion as well. 

5. Exercise self-forgiveness and self-compassion. To fully accept yourself, it is essential that you forgive yourself for being so harsh on yourself and show yourself some compassion, for you did not know any better. Once you have effectively shifted from a negative belief about yourself to a more positive one as described in the written exercise above, forgive yourself for that belief. It works even better when you say it out loud to yourself. "I forgive you for..." Even better, do it in front of a mirror. It is extremely cathartic but also highly emotional, so have some tissues nearby. Again, I speak from experience. I literally bawled as I uttered all those things I forgave myself for. Such a catharsis is necessary though, as it opens up the space for  the self-acceptance you crave. The only way is through the negativity not by suppressing it. Now you are finally ready to step into your power.

 

      “𝒜𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝓈𝒶𝒾𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝓎 𝒷𝑜𝒹𝓎 𝓈𝑜𝒻𝓉𝓁𝓎, ‘𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒻𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓃𝒹.’ 𝐼𝓉 𝓉𝑜𝑜𝓀 𝒶 𝓁𝑜𝓃𝑔 𝒷𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓉𝒽 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓇𝑒𝓅𝓁𝒾𝑒𝒹, ‘𝐼 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒷𝑒𝑒𝓃 𝓌𝒶𝒾𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓂𝓎 𝓌𝒽𝑜𝓁𝑒 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈.” — 𝒩𝒶𝓎𝓎𝒾𝓇𝒶𝒽 𝒲𝒶𝒽𝑒𝑒𝒹

That's all for today. I hope this post is in some tiny way useful to you!

Sending you endless ripples of positivity and love, 

Lia 💓

 

20 quotes that might inspire you to start dancing with your fears

 Fear.

No individual born on this planet is immune to it.  Sometimes it is a very helpful instinct that protects us and keeps us out of harm's way. On other occasions we allow our negative thoughts and emotions to take control over us. Our inner voice then becomes a barrier that keeps us trapped in inertia, stuck in a rut instead of pursuing the things we desire and becoming who we truly know ourselves to be. 

As a very insecure and fearful child, teenager and adult well into my forties, I was so scared I did not dare do much outside the known and safe limits of my comfort zone, I know firsthand what it feels like to be entrapped in your own fear. Oh, I had lofty dreams and I aspired to change the world, sure. But I simply could not muster the strength to face my fears head-on and fight them. I'm talking about the irrational fears, the nagging, nasty voices that existed solely in my head, not in the physical world. What if people would laugh at me if I posted my thoughts?What If I was not good enough? 

After a couple of years of meditation, yoga, journalling and doing the inner work, and the encouragement of friends and family, I realised I need not run from my fear. I embraced it. I looked it in the eye. It roared angrily at me. I was shivering but I was determined, so I roared right back at it, as loud as I could. Suddenly it seemed smaller and not quite as intimidating. I decided to invite it for a dance. Since then me and my fears do everything together. I dare do what I fear. I do it while scared to death. I'm almost at the end of my postgraduate course but I haven't gone bungee jumping yet and  taking my driver's licence is still something I am debating. But I'm going to do it anyway. It's a dance, right? So I figured, why not enjoy it at least?

As a lifelong bookworm I absolutely love quotes and they have been a tremendous help in overcoming or rationalising some of my craziest fears. Below I list some of my favourites.  

 

1."You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along."  -Eleanor Roosevelt

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. "If you want to conquer fear, don't sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy."  -Dale Carnegie 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3."The amateur believes that he must first overcome his fear;then he can do his work. The professional knows that fear can never be overcome.He knows there is no such thing as a fearless warrior or a dread-free artist." - Steven Pressfield  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. "What you fear is what you must conquer." - Lailah Gifty-Akita 

 

5. "I learned that courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." - Nelson Mandela

 

 

 

 

 

 

6."There is no illusion greater than fear." - Lao Tzu 

7. "If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you." - Saint Thomas 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8."The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." - Franklin D. Roosevelt 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9. "Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly." - William Shakespeare   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10. "You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn't exist anywhere except the mind." - Dale Carnegie

 

 

 

 

 

11. "What we need to do is say, "What's the smallest, tiniest thing that I can master and what's the scariest thing that I can do in front of the smallest number of people that can teach me how to dance with the fear?" Once we get good at that, we just realize that it's not fatal. And it's not intellectually realize - we've lived something that wasn't fatal. And that idea is what's so key- because then you can do it a little bit more."  - Seth Godin    

 

12. "When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

13. "Fears are educated into us and can, if we wish, be educated out." -Karl Augustus Menninger   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

14. "We are more often frightened than hurt;and we suffer more from imagination than reality." - Seneca

 

 

 

 

 

15. "Instead of worrying about what people say of you, why not spend time trying to accomplish something they will admire." - Dale Carnegie

16. "One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn't." - Henry Ford

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

17. "When you are thinking about doing something and it feels scary, when it feels like this big lion is waiting at the finish line and he's roaring and he's ferocious and he's going to tear you apart....you should just run toward that lion anyway. Run to the roar."  -Tina Essmaker    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

18. "Courage is the power of the mind to overcome fear." - Martin Luther King Jr. 

 

 

 

 

 

19. "Fear is inevitable, I have to accept that, but I cannot allow it to paralyse me". -Isabel Allende  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

20. "I have learnt over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear;knowing what must be done does away with fear." - Rosa Parks  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There are numerous more quotes on fear and each is as wise as the above. I quoted the ones that spoke to me more, that were unique to me. Fear is our permanent dancing companion for life and it is not as insurmountable or intimidating as we make it out to be. If you constantly hear your fear roar, do not cower; this time choose to roar louder. Brace yourself, be determined to take action nevertheless, show up as your best self and everything that you were afraid of will diminish.It's a choice like everything else in life. Choose boldly and courageously.Let your actions speak for the strength of your character and shine!

As always sending you ripples of positivity and love,

Lia 

Procrastination - What it is and how you can cope

I bet you know the feeling. The date for your project is due, the stack of tests need to be graded by tomorrow, you've got household chores or errands to complete today. Yet, you can't seem to get yourself to actually finish the task at hand. Something else always seems to attract your attention, a video on Youtube, your favourite series on Netflix or your social media feeds are just begging for your attention.Hours later you realise you've wasted all your precious time, which means you have to finish your work in much less time. As a result you feel horrible about yourself, not to mention your stress levels skyrocket.   

I know I have been guilty of this. So much wasted time and energy. I remember feeling awful, loathing myself because I could not discipline myself enough to finish my daily tasks. Needless to say, my stress levels were at an all time high those days. It's only in the recent five years or so that I actually managed to overcome it, to a great degree. It's not easy and the road has been bumpy. For sure, I fell back on my old habits more times than I can count. But I always bounce back and I'm proud to say that I'm getting better and better every single day.

The issue of procrastination is not something specific to our era. It is a timeless issue. So timeless, that the ancient Greek philosophers Socrates and Aristotle coined a word to describe it. Akrasia. In modern speak it means acting against your better judgment and doing one thing you know full well you should be doing instead of something else. According to Merriam Webster dictionary, procrastination is defined as intentionally putting off doing something that should and can be done.    

So, why do we procrastinate? There are numerous reasons, some of which even touch on a personal level, but I will list eight reasons below.

1. Perfectionism.  The notion itself is restricting and stress-inducing. Nothing and no one is perfect. By expecting everything we do to be perfect, we set highly unrealistic standards for ourselves and make it more difficult to get through the task. One way of overriding this is to work through the mistakes we make in the  process rather than starting over and over again. This saves us not only time but also unnecessary stress and frustration.

2. Proneness to distraction. This has been a big one for me. I have a restless and wayward mind which, if not reined in, wanders in many different directions. It's much, much more manageable now that I'm older. And wiser (!!😂). All joking aside though, distraction is the killer of productivity. If this is your weakness, be proactive and make sure to remove all temptations till you're done. Mute the notifications on your phone or remove game apps from your phone for example. Isolate yourself in a quiet room to study or work if it really can't be helped otherwise. It works wonders, I can tell you. Set reminders,  maybe a post- it on your fridge or alarms on your phone to remind you what needs to be done.

3.You are not clear about how to get started. I've been there and I know the feeling. It no fun feeling this way. Use the get things done approach  by breaking down your task in smaller, more manageable steps. Schedule and follow through. That way you'll still feel victorious because you did get some work done and feel confident and optimistic that you'll see it through.

 

 4. You know it will take a long time and hard work - Working on bigger projects can be daunting and scary. It is easily a reason why many feel demotivated and eventually either keep postponing the project or give it up altogether. Once again, breaking your project into smaller, more manageable steps scheduled in your week, makes it somehow less scary and overwhelming.

5.You are not motivated.  If you can't see how this project connects to your goals or interests, it's more likely that you'll find it difficult to find the motivation to go through with it. As with everything else, it all boils down to your "why'.  Your why will fuel your energy and determination.You need to answer this question : "Why is this task important to me and my goals and how will it move me closer to them?"

6.  Fear of the unknown. I think we all agree that knowledge is power- or rather potential power. Knowledge can be transmuted into power only through deliberate action. Push past the feeling of uncertainty, do your research if you must, ask someone who is more knowledgeable, but take that first step towards action!

7. The "I'll do it later" approach. I'm definitely guilty of postponing tasks. It all comes down to how you prioritise the task at hand and how much you value your time and energy. In the end it is a personal choice you must make for yourself. If, however, a task is a high-priority one, best put it at the top of your to-do- list. If, on the other hand, it can wait, make sure to break it down into smaller steps and work on it a little every week.  

8. Accountability. Tell your parent, your friend or your coworker about your intention. They can serve as accountability partners to keep you on track whenever you tend to deviate from your plan.  

 

Just to be fair, procrastination is not the devil neither are all those who procrastinate lesser human beings for it. It is something that can be overcome with some willpower and strategic steps. Even the acclaimed author Margaret Atwood herself admits to spending her mornings worrying and procrastinating before she finally gets down to writing late in the afternoon. Taking into account how prolific a writer she is, it would seem that procrastination has not particularly hindered her from becoming a successful and established author!

Generally speaking, procrastination causes much more harm than good, regardless of how well you believe you can function effectively under pressure. Apart from the impact it can bear on your work and credibility, it can cause stress and other related health issues. Try to apply the hacks above and why not, have a look at the book Atomic Habits by James Clear, a #1 New York Times bestseller. It is chockful of useful tips on becoming better at managing your time.You can read a short exerpt here  on how to stop procrastinating using the 2 minute rule.    

 As always, sending you ripples of positivity and love,

Lia 😀💓

11 Journalling benefits and prompts to get you started

 Journalling is a well-known mindfulness technique tool, as it offers a wide range of benefits, especially if used in combination with other practices and tools. In my previous article 11 stress management techniques and their benefits I elaborated a lot more on how to deal with stressful situations, so feel free to check it out!

As Lisann Valentin, a Shamanic life coach and actress points out, "journalling is mindfulness in motion". It shines light on both conscious and unconscious thought patterns and gives you invaluable moments of insight and clarity.

Without further ado, let's dive right in,shall we?

1.Journalling reduces stress.    Whenever you feel overwhelmed or you feel life's burdens are just getting too much for you, choose to put pen to paper. Writing down what troubles you may give you the necessary release from the stress but also allows you to look upon the situation from a place of clarity.

2. It boosts health and general well-being.  Several studies  and research conducted on adults suggest that journalling about you innermost thoughts and feelings contributes to 

• lower blood pressure 
• significantly improved mood
• a feeling of increased well-being
• a sense of decreased symptoms of anxiety and depression
• develops greater resilience to stressful situations

3. Allows for release of negative thoughts. In my own long experience with journaling, I have found that any overwhelming bouts of negativity, self-loathing and pessimism significantly decreased the more consistently I journalled. You know as well as I do that it is so easy to just allow yourself to be flooded with all manner of impending doom and catastrophe. To paraphrase the wise words of Sabrina Romanoff ,making the choice to release those thoughts on paper, creates space and distance to consider them more objectively and thus making them more manageable, objectively speaking.

4.Smoothes out the way to process your emotions.  How often do you consciously repress your emotions or pretend they do not exist? I  know I have done so, leading to various health issues and autoimmune syndromes. Ignoring your feelings, not honouring them and not dealing with them appropriately is not the solution. You can rest assured that your feelings will find a way to pop up to the surface one way or the other and the consequences may vary in severity. You can't escape them. It is useful to journal about them, however. That way you can process and reflect on them, without the adverse repercussions on your health or relationship with the people in your life.

5. Journalling is useful to helping you understand what your next steps are. You probably know the feeling of having a jumble of thoughts whirling around in your head, making it difficult for you to decide on a sensible course of action. Writing down those thoughts and emotions, seeing them written out before you, calms you down instantly and provides the clarity to understand how you must proceed.

 

  6. It allows you to  keep track of and achieve your goals.  Writing down your goals allows you to keep track of any progress you're making. Moreover, it keeps you accountable to yourself, reminding you of what needs to be done still to achieve your goals. Finally, you will be able to monitor the growth you've made by revisiting your previous entries, reflect on them, make any necessary changes or stick to your current course of action.

7.  It deepens self-discovery.  By journalling consistently you allow for a reconnection to yourself, your deepest, even unconscious thoughts and feelings. In that way, you open the path to a rediscovery of who you really are at your core.

8. Increased self-confidence.  By tracking your growth and progress as well as by connecting more to your true self, you get a tremendous confidence boost. By remembering the obstacles and challenges you've managed to overcome and see how far you've come as a person gives an unparalleled feeling of pride and satisfaction.  

9. Improved writing and communications skills.  Effective writing and communications skills  improve with consistent practice. By journalling on a daily basis, if possible, allows you to refine your skills in the art of writing. Moreover, as you express your thoughts and feelings, simultaneously you improve in the art of effective communication.

10. Journalling strenghtens the memory.As is pointed out  in The Journal of Experimental Psychology Expressive writing can increase working memory capacity, the research that was carried out it depicted how writing down your thoughts can actually reduce nagging thoughts about negative past or present events and improves working memory. By writing something down a signal is sent to your brain that you want to remember it. Isn't your life's story important enough to remember?

 

 11. Journalling can be source of inspiration.  As you can see in the image above, Leonardo Da Vinci drew some of his incredible invention ideas in his journals. You can follow his example and make use of your journalling time to brainstorm, doodle or just let your imagination run wild. The epiphanies you may experience while writing or drawing just might surprise you.

If you've always wanted to start journalling but had absolutely no idea how to begin,I'd like to take away the guesswork.Below I have listed some effective journalling prompts to help you out.

1. What do I know to be true that I didn't know a year ago?

2. What distractions get in the way of my productivity?

3. When do I feel most aligned with my true sef?

4. If someone were to describe me, what would they say?

5. How does every part of my body feel right now?

6. What negative emotions am I holding on to? How can I detach from them?

7. Why am I feeling this way?

8. How can I detach my emotions from the feelings of others?

9. How effectively do I use healthy boundaries?

10. When I look in the mirror, what do I see?

11. What hurts right now and how can I find relief for it?

12. What happened before I felt this shift in my mood?

If you are still not convinced of the many benefits of journalling, here's some more evidence to support it. You can read it here.   

What are you waiting for? Get out your journal, make yourself a nice cup of tea (or a glass of wine is fine,too) and let the words fly!

As always, sending you endless ripples of love and positivity,

Lia

Why you already are good enough

 

 

  𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓉𝑒𝒶𝒸𝒽 𝓉𝑜𝒹𝒶𝓎'𝓈 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓃𝑔 𝓅𝑒𝑜𝓅𝓁𝑒 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔, 𝒾𝓉 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒷𝑒, 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝑒𝓃𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽, 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝒹𝒶𝓎, 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝒶𝓎 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒. 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒𝒹 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓉𝑜𝓅 𝑜𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓉𝒾𝓅𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓉𝑜𝑒𝓈. 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝒶𝓃 𝒾𝓃𝒸𝓇𝑒𝒹𝒾𝒷𝓁𝑒 𝒸𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃, 𝑒𝓃𝒿𝑜𝓎 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝑜𝓌𝓃 𝒷𝑒𝒶𝓊𝓉𝓎.”
𝑀𝑜𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝑀𝒶𝒽𝒶𝓇

 

Do you even realise how amazing you already are? You may not have been top of your class, you were not this month's employee of the month, and you may not be as pretty as you believe your partner would like you to be. Still, you juggle schedules both at home and at work, you manage a household and the children while keeping everything organised down to the last detail. Simultaneously, you always find the time and energy to spend time with your friends and family. In spite of how defeated and not enough you may feel, I'm here to tell you that you already are good enough, just as you are.

Not feeling good enough is a common denominator of all emotional issues nowadays.This fear is one of the deepest, most fundamental fears every human being on the planet has. It's our mind's default setting. When you don't feel enough, you can't seem to get enough of anything- be it food, shopping or even gambling. The feeling of not enough-ness can be traced back to childhood, in our formative years, where one harsh comment or even worse, abuse, can cause the child to not feel enough to be loved by its parent.It is at the root of all emotional pain that results in overeating, excessive shopping, procrastination, self-hatred or self-sabotage.

 

 

𝓗𝓸𝔀 𝓽𝓸 𝓭𝓮𝓪𝓵 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓲𝓽

Once you have recognised what lies at the root of your emotional pain, make a choice to remove it or at least to minimise it. In this way, you can reactivate the feeling of enoughness you were born with. Some ways to cope are the following.

*Start being kinder to yourself. Go easy on yourself for a change and give yourself some credit for all the great things you 've already accomplished and acknowledge that it is not always easy to be you. You are as deserving of love and kindness as any other person on this planet.

*Avoid comparisons with other people on social media. It is disastrous to resort to comparisons with social media icons, celebrities or other more successful individuals. Your life, your experiences are totally different to theirs and you cannot therefore consider yourself lesser than them. It is just nonsensical. Love yourself at this stage of your life and strive to get better daily.You carry your own worth. Own it and honor it!

*Be mindful of those pesky, negative thoughts as they arise.  Avoid getting caught up in negative self-talk.Don't focus on the negative rather focus on what is going right in your life right now. A great way of getting rid of negative self-talk is the use of affirmations such as "I am enough", "I am special", "I have amazing coping skills" to name but a few.

* Create a list of the things you're good at. Seeing as we're so hard on ourselves most of the time, I realise it's not as easy as it seems. More often than not we are pathetic at recognising our strong points and our inherent worth. Write down what you do well, and refer to this list whenever you are feeling down. It should be a great boost to pick yourself back up.

*Spend time with positive and supportive people.  Strive to surround yourself with people who are encouraging and supportive of you. People who will show you that it's not just you facing this issue.That way you will not feel alone in your struggle with your self-worth.

*Practise self-care. Our reactions and our perception of our self-image significantly worsen when we are sleep deprived or have poor self-care habits. Regulate your sleep patterns, cater to a nutritious diet and tend to your personal hygiene. Taking regular breaks from social media is also necessary on a weekly basis. Finally, don't even attempt at keeping everyone pleased, that's not your job.Not to mention it's emotionally and energetically draining.

*Find out what your passions are. Discovering what you're passionate about will distract you from focusing on negative feelings and thoughts and will provide  the motivation you need to keep moving forward towards your goals.

 

 

 

I will leave you with the amazing words of Kathy Brown, who summarises the notion of enoughness so beautifully:

    “𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒹𝑒𝓈𝑒𝓇𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝓉𝒶𝑔𝑜𝓃𝒾𝓈𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝑜𝓌𝓃 𝓌𝑜𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇𝒻𝓊𝓁, 𝒷𝒾𝓏𝒶𝓇𝓇𝑒, 𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓇𝒾𝒻𝓎𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒. 𝐼𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒹𝑒𝒸𝒾𝒹𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝑒𝓃𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽, 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝑒𝓃𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽. 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒹𝑜𝓃'𝓉 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓌𝒶𝒾𝓉 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝑔𝓇𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝑒𝓍𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓃𝒶𝓁 𝓋𝒶𝓁𝒾𝒹𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝑜𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓉𝒽 𝒷𝑒𝒻𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝑜𝒻𝒻𝑒𝓇 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓀𝒾𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓈𝓉 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓈𝑒𝓁𝒻.”

As always, sending you ripples of positivity and love,

Lia

 

 

 

 

      

 

How to handle daily pressure

 

 

  “𝒯𝓇𝓊𝑒 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒾𝓈 𝓇𝑒𝓋𝑒𝒶𝓁𝑒𝒹 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒸𝒽𝑜𝒾𝒸𝑒𝓈 𝒶 𝒽𝓊𝓂𝒶𝓃 𝒷𝑒𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒𝓈 𝓊𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇 𝓅𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓈𝓊𝓇𝑒 - 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑔𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓅𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓈𝓊𝓇𝑒, 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒹𝑒𝑒𝓅𝑒𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓁𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃, 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓉𝓇𝓊𝑒𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒸𝒽𝑜𝒾𝒸𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓉𝑒𝓇'𝓈 𝑒𝓈𝓈𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶𝓁 𝓃𝒶𝓉𝓊𝓇𝑒.”
― 𝑅𝑜𝒷𝑒𝓇𝓉 𝑀𝒸𝒦𝑒𝑒, 𝒮𝓉𝑜𝓇𝓎: 𝒮𝓊𝒷𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒, 𝒮𝓉𝓇𝓊𝒸𝓉𝓊𝓇𝑒, 𝒮𝓉𝓎𝓁𝑒, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒫𝓇𝒾𝓃𝒸𝒾𝓅𝓁𝑒𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝒮𝒸𝓇𝑒𝑒𝓃𝓌𝓇𝒾𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔

 

Dealing with pressure is something both you and I have to deal with on a daily basis. If we are honest with ourselves, we find ourselves in a state of pressure most, if not all of the time.  

 I am positive you'll recognise the potential sources of pressure below: 

*Other people's opinions, so contradicting oftentimes that it feels like you're being pulled in every possible direction.

* A lack of information and communication between you and your family members or you and your team at work

*A huge workload with deadlines to meet or the opposite, having no work to do at all and you feel bored and useless.

*Technological failures.You know what I'm talking about. Your laptop crashes or your printer will just not respond right at the moment you need it!That can really add on the pressure, right?

* Outside pressures. Home life, finances, relationships, health concerns and many more.We've all been there.

 

 

It is important not to demonise tackling pressure. Accept it, own it and think coolly of possible outlets to release the pressure and not allow it to escalate to pressure.Let's have a look at some possible outlets.

 

*Personally, I love working out. Or engage in any kind of physical activity. It helps me blow off steam and get me into a more rationally thinking mindset.

*Prayer and meditation are also great options to clear your head and gain perspective over said situation.

* View the situation that adds pressure as something temporary. Somehow that takes away its power over you and allows you to find possible solutions.

* Try to see it as a bringer of beautiful changes. A diamond is forged and formed in conditions of extreme pressure. Some degree of pressure on you has the potential to do the same. You are a diamond in the making.Isn't that a more attractive perspective?

*Listen to any kind of music that uplifts and inspires you. Could be inspirational music, gospel, jazz, pop music or some good old rock or heavy metal music in my case. Whatever you like, just crank it up and feel the pressure on you ease up.

* In the same spirit, dance it off. Dancing energetically, allowing your body to move in any way it wants to the music, allows for all negative energy to be released. So get your body moving to your favourite music, you'll feel much better! 

*Laugh it off. Put on your favourite comedy and laugh till your belly hurts. It works every time.Some comedies I really love are School of Rock,Mrs Doubtfire, Meet the Parents or My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding. 

Reducing or relieving pressure goes hand in hand with elementary self-care. Take good care of yourself to be able to endure in times of extreme pressure. Prioritise getting enough sleep every night, eat nutritious food, take frequent breaks to get some fresh air and perspective and stretch your muscles. Talk to someone you trust and allow them to help you. Figure out what's best for you and incorporate them into your routine. 

On a final note, remember that if you are accomplishing great things in your life, it's normal to feel some degree of pressure.Always keep moving forward with your goals and plans. Do not allow the pressure and temporary discomfort hinder you from achieving what it is that you want. 

What are your action steps to managing pressure? Let's talk about it!

Sending you love and positivity,

Lia   😀💓